My mother once gave me a hard time for letting my son choose where he was going to sleep when it was naptime (we were visiting my parents). I explained that I wasn’t giving him a choice about taking a nap, but I was giving him some ownership by choosing the spot (couch or bed).
Giving kids choices is a great way to help them develop independence, which I believe is my job as a parent. One day they will be out in this world by themselves and I won’t be there to hold their hands. As hard as it is to think about that – I want them to be prepared when that time comes.
When I recently heard a ten-year-old girl say over and over, with regard to various aspects of her diabetes life, “I have to do it. I have no choice,” it really bothered me.
I realize that as parents we often say, “you have to do this,” or “you have to do that,” and frequently it’s because we are trying to keep them safe or healthy or successful. For example, we tell our kids they have to wear a seatbelt or bike helmet, and they have to look before they cross the road.
With diabetes, it’s still a matter of keeping kids safe, healthy and successful, but I guess what struck me about this girl saying, “I have no choice,” was that she is likely to go through the rest of her life thinking that she doesn’t have choices. When she does.
One thing we can do as parents is teach our kids why it’s important to wear a seatbelt and bike helmet, etc. We can teach kids with diabetes why it’s important to check blood glucose levels, take insulin, and make healthy lifestyle choices. We can also let them choose whenever possible, for instance, the finger to poke, the site to inject or insert an infusion set. We may not want to say, “it’s your choice whether to do this or not” when they are 10, but instead we could say, “you need to do this so you can play soccer (or whatever).” Keep it positive and keep it relevant.
Later on, as our kids get older, if they’ve been used to making choices (that is, they’ve been empowered to manage their diabetes), there’s a much better chance they’ll understand not only that is their choice to manage their diabetes, but that they’ll be motivated to continue to do so – even without Mom or Dad around. The words we use with kids send powerful messages that can stick for a lifetime. With diabetes (and everything else), we can use words that build kids up and give them strength to be safe, healthy and successful.